"In a medium bowl, with fork, mix together yolks and egg just to break them up without incorporating a lot of air. Slowly add the milk mixture, stirring with wooden spoon. Strain mixture through sieve into a pitcher; stir in nutmeg, cloves, rum and brandy. Let mixture rest, without stirring, for 1 minute. Skim off any bubbles or foam remaining on surface."
he uses clever words.
he practices.
I do this.
it is a small thing usually, but it is a brief connection to something and someone beyond that endless day of boredom and grief.
and when asked if I am doing well, feeling happy, all that comes to the surface is gibberish and the feeling that I am drowning/
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