hollow 'ween

This is probably the first Halloween in a while that I am not doing anything. I don't really know why (because you're getting old, hahahahahaha! ). Is it that it's on a Tuesday? Is it that I didn't buy a costume? Or couldn't think of one that I wanted to be (other than the tried and true: Wonder Woman or The Statue of Liberty, both of which I've been in various incarnations).

I have loose plans with the ex-roommates to go to a bar near my new apartment. They've fallen in love with some band that plays there every Tuesday. The fact that it's a block away from my apartment and the band will be playing so I won't have to talk to them makes it kind of appealing.

I doubt anyone there will be dressed up, but I doubted that anyone at school would be dressed up today and of course, someone in class was. I couldn't really figure out her thing. Her face had a big bruise made up over her left eye, a trail of blood out the corner of her lips and a pretty detailed open wound on her neck. It kind of looked like she had a lot of makeup that she just didn't wash off from the night before. The outfit she was wearing seemed to have little to do with the excessive make-up. She came in late and when she sat down, a student across the room looked at her and gasped audibly. I guess she wasn't expecting anyone to be dressed up either.

Today I wore this outfit that makes me look like I've just been at the stables, whispering at horses. I figure if someone asks, I'll say that's my costume.

The weird thing is, I could have gone to a party on Saturday, but I didn't. I got invited to this party a loooong time ago, and since then, the host of the party has become the next potential owner of the coffeeshop. And since those of you who know me pretty well, know that when booze becomes part of the event, I have a tendency to, shall we say, speak loudly and without thinking about what is coming out of my mouth before saying it. So, in an uncomfortably queasy way, I opted out of going to the party, mostly because I didn't trust that I wouldn't announce my feelings about this girl who might potentially be my boss someday.

Oddly enough, I had invitations to two other parties and opted not to go to those either. Instead, I stayed in, goofed around on the internet, (wrote the incredibly dramatic last entry over at the other blog) and went to bed, because I had to work in the morning at 6:30. (how responsibly old of you!)

Anyway, my teeth hurt and candy makes it feel worse, so maybe it's for the best.

so this is what they mean by closure.

Eric and I went out for lunch today.

It was the most random act, yet it completely made sense. It took very little effort, he asked, I said ok, we met, all in less than twelve hours.

I'm not sure what this means.

However, we got to spend time with another person who knows us better than most people do, in the basking glow of a lovely day, which really feels like the last of these impossibly beautiful glimpses of summer weather. We went to lunch and then walked around the zoo. We stared at animals. Sat on benches. Followed paths.

We did a lot of talking about the relationship we had. Talking to him and listening to him really made me feel better. I hadn't realized how much not knowing where he was in the world, what was on his mind, how he spent his time this summer, even as simple as where he's living now; those things really wore me down. I kind of grouped those thoughts into the frustrations of my life that I may never understand, and tried my best to go back to doing what absolutely had to be done.

I feel a sense of completion between us, about our relationship and how it went. I'm not sure what else I sense. I don't want to make any declarations right now. It was just very good to talk to someone about this terrible time in my life who understood exactly what I was saying because he was a part of it. And it was nice to be able to laugh with this person I thought would never speak to me or look me in the eye again.