as I tunnelled through all that I know in my head, swimming past those deep thoughts and assurances, pushing them away like the water that must be moved so that you can proceed forward,
the night escaped me.
and inside the bubble that I created there was warmth, more warmth than I have felt in months, so much that it nearly suffocated me and I could hardly sleep for it laid over me in layers like gauze, my lips went dry and my throat seized up.
I should be exhausted now, covered in a layer of fine dust and grime, for I was unfathomably reckless and careless of what will come, what will happen next, indulging only in what was before me, and it was perfect. if this is living in the moment, I want to be there as much as possible.
everything seems so easy now, so simple, but I know there is no solution to this problem [a deep-seated frustration with people that leads me to wonder why bother]; especially not in his arms. but I went looking in there anyway, perhaps because they were open to me and I needed love.
also, I wonder if I am ready to believe him. If I am not, then maybe this is all a waste of time.
but what else are we here to do other than to waste time?
2 comments:
So many other things.
Oh boo. I posted a comment, but I guess it didn't "take"
Well, I loved your blog today, Christene! You must be able to hold that booze pretty well to remember all those details! And girl, compared to your life, my is seriously stagnant. Let's go out so you can help me jump-start it! Love ya,
Patty From Sienna
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