confusion bordering on terror alights the stairs of my apartment with me. locked my keys inside my apartment for the first time. I cannot hide the unmistakable sight of what appears to be sadness, depression, deep despair, and what is really just aimless confusion.
part of why I bother with anyone is because I want to clear up the confusions, I want to get an answer to the questions I have, and it feels interesting that the people who cause me the most strife receive the biggest portion of my attentions. once I know you'll love me for life, I tend to disappear.
mostly, I am just weary of always counting down the days until my "real life" happens.
and yet, the last few days have been full of freshness. and joy. and the kind of experiences that never seem long enough.
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