too long

It's been so long since I've knitted that I can't remember how to start the stiches. As I get going, it comes back to me, but it strikes me as odd that I haven't knitted for almost a year, even though it's one of the biggest stress relievers I've ever known and I love making beautiful things.

but then again, I have no time. busy busy busy.

right now my eyelids are weighted with sleep, my back hurts, my feet hurt, it has been a long exhausting day, but I'm still writing because I want to. But sometimes I just can't muster up the wanting to more than wanting to sleep. same goes for most of my solitary extracurricular activites. As much as I enjoy reading a book, crafting a shadow box, collaging with my endless supply of paper and photos, I just can't seem to make time for those things that bring a deep sense of satisfaction and joy to my somewhat lackluster life.

there's something else though; I constantly push aside stuff for me to do stuff for other people. it's dumb and I don't want to do it anymore. I have never been a conciously selfish person, deciding to do what's best for me first, but it's about time I start.

first step has been letting go of those few friendships that only make me wonder, why am I even bothering to hang out with this person?

my second step has been having my day off be my day and not scheduling anything else...though sometimes this doesn't always happen.

next, I've been doing small things that make me happy and fulfilled in an effort to accommadate being so busy: I'll put a card and envelope in my purse to write a note during a lull, carry a bigger purse so I have a book to read at all possible times (usually during travel on the impossible CTA) and I've been trying not to deny myself every single thing that feels like a treat, because the truth is, one bagel and cream cheese isn't going to make the difference.

Excuse me, I've got to get back to my knitting...