so this is what it's like to be 30. exhausted. tired. full of warmth, lacking vigor. I don't know, maybe it's just the last couple days and attempting to recover. or the disappointment that there was no big peal of proverbial lightning (though it did storm right before my party) where life made any more sense than it already does.
but maybe the thing that I never realize is that I know exactly what I need to know.
the intuition has been quite vocal these past few days and I feel its burdens, it's grousing, it's voice screaming, and though I want to acknowledge that it is true and right, I find myself very opposed. I find myself rigidly turning the wheel of politeness and conceding to societal demands rather than honoring myself and my word. as paul put it, be glad it still talks to you.
my birthday party was a rousing success. except for that I felt like I couldn't spend time with anyone, it was a lot of fun. I'm still not sure how many books I received, but I did get a nice pile, and some bookstore gift cards and it was very nice of everyone to play along with my idea of giving me a copy of their favorite book.
I feel a great urge to get a start on the many things I have tabled in favor of turning 30: my daily writings, my taxes, my apartment being a mess, my laundry, painting my toenails, trying [in vain, I suspect] to go to Prague, editing my writings [my march goal], taking the GRE, applying for grad schools, etc.
I have set up my blog to accept texts and photos from my cell phone. this should be either interesting or dull, depending on the day. I like the photo option quite a lot.
that is all.
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